I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and she was petting her beer can
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
