just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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