I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
