He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
