nut hugger
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
