Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
