tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
