If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
