rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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