Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
