So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When are your genitals available?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
