Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
