Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
