Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wear drunk well.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
