If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
