Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
