the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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