Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
