Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
