I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
