Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
