I just made out with a guy for $7.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
