so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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