I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
