They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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