He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
