Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
