now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
