Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
