i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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