she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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