i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
