You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
