I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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