I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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