My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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