life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
4 words: hood of his car
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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