I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
