You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she looked like the before picture.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
