My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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