i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
