I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and she was petting her beer can
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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