i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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