And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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