i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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