there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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