There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
