So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
