i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
