if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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