I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
