At least make sure they are 18
Why
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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