Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
