I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
