11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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