I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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