This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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