why didn't you poke me back
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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