I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
