just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
