you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
