So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
