I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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