Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
