I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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