i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
