he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
