Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
