Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
