this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
