He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
